Catherine Wheel
Catherine Wheel July the ants got up the smaller willow, knotted into my blue blanket. We girls laid pillows against the screens to trap the cool night sinking. It was to be the big wee...Read...
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O---please tell me, you of all personnas in the heavens, have not created this almost pefect mess.granted, my energy is low low low, my attention span worse, but holy cows of holy cows. confusing ---...
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ah well. if it doesn't work, it doesn't. To tell the truth, it doesn't interest me, today, either. But I don't know--iIS it such a huge mess? maybe it just doesn't engage, or lift off. For sure there...
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I have more patience for this I guess. I like the tone of the remembering. I do think it needs to be trimmed and more condensed to get to the kernel of this. My suggestions are below:July, we girls...
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I don't know... I rather liked it, but need to reread, I think. wrapped in a quill >>> supposed to be a quilt? Ray-Bans Perhaps: Dad laughed in the dark and his voice boomed. He talked...
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Osal,To you perhaps a clear story. To me, surreal at first read. Given research, I understand more, but I am still left with a jigsaw puzzle. I am sure that I would like the story told, given the...
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thanks for the generous reads, everyone. it sounds like a put through, from the readers' side--mainly told. That certain things could be dispensed with altogether, profitably, is not a mode of writing...
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Osal,I have failed you. If I have helped to discourage you, I have failed you terribly, and that is not what it is about. I did find a lot to the ants--it was more about the girls getting restless....
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interesting that you mention paintings--since that is my first training. And what I am thinking of, tonight... you have been very encouraging. Please do not feel you've failed me. Generosity is thy...
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Osal I have felt how you feel many times. And I apologize if by cutting parts important to you out of your poem you felt it was disemboweled. In the end, it is ourselves we have to please. My input...
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Cyn, thank you. No need to aologize...and I wouldn't want anyone to think my feelings are hurt, or anything like that; No, it's clear that most of the poem's thrust, if you will, is going missing, and...
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I love the ants as well, but as the opening and when they did not reappear or seem to have a *part* in this poem, I felt they were not *really* a part of the poem. I adored the image of them however....
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Alison, you’ve received lots of comments on this poem. And I must admit I only skimmed through them, no disrespect to previous posters, I’m just lazy. So forgive me if I’m repeating- plus, the poems...
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Hi Chris, thanks for going through this one. "like the seriously dead" is a bit of a child's interjection, and might be too intrusive...I'm not even sure at this point how much I want to save of the...
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i actually wouldn't want to change the poem at all. so often, i find, those well intended edits done quickly and drastically by critters (myself included) erase the original pulse of the poem, the...
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Chris, I so appreciate your perceptive take... (and not merely or even largely since you seem to 'like' the work, in some respects.) And your articulation of it is a pleasure to read also. Not sure...
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